The Best Chocolate in the World

Forget about all those expensive North American or European brands your balikbayan kamag-anaks brought you when they came home last Christmas! The best chocolate brand in the whole wide world is… ChocNut!!!

I’ve known ChocNut since I began to walk, when a baynte-singko got one no less than five pieces of the precious candy. Whoever thought of blending milk chocolate with ground peanuts to such perfection deserves a shrine along EDSA!

That’s my humble opinion, anyway…

Eating ChocNut is something of an art. You carefully remove the tiny bar from its paper wrapper, careful not to apply too much pressure holding it with your fingers or the compacted powdered mixture of chocolate and peanut breaks.

If it doesn’t, you carefully remove the thin foil wrapper and gingerly stuff the whole of the tiny bar into your mouth. If it does, well, my favorite technique is to hold the foil up into something of a funnel and let gravity slide the chocolate into my mouth.

Either way, you don’t really chew on the ChocNut once it’s inside your mouth – since it’s already powdery. You just sorta push the chocolate using your tongue deep inside your mouth so that the by-now gooey mix touches your taste glands.

And when it does, the closest I can think of in terms of an adequate description is “orgasm of the palate!” I cannot begin to describe the pleasure sensations that explode in the brain once the ChocNut touches the taste buds!

You can probably imagine my disappointment early this evening when I got to that particular rack in the supermarket where one usually finds ChocNut to find that there weren’t any. I had to make do with Choc-O-Star…

In fairness, it’s an excellent substitute. Even the packaging can win ChocNut a patent suit if it cared to file one.

But it’s not ChocNut…

Oh by the way…

I also bought a dozen eggs at the supermarket. It doesn’t matter what brand it is… Every single one of them is wrongly classified. The ones I bought today are supposed to be “Large.”

They are not. One of the unexpected benefits of my once being my Mom’s unpaid poultry boy is that I can tell the size of an egg just by holding one in my palm. “Medium” is more like it for the dozen I bought today. And a fortnight ago. And the fortnight before…

I know I’m being ripped off but… what’s the point of complaining? It’s really just a case of mislabeling; and if I wanted larger eggs all I need to do is get the supposed “Extra Large.”

Which would, of course, be logically more expensive…

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